Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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