Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
