Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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