there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
