it's too hot outside to masturbate.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
