THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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