i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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