So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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