i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
