remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Hello my rib-scented angel!
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
