I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
