I think i peed on brittanys purse
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
