So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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