I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
