Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
