reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
