My sheets look like a crime scene.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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