Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
