last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
