She went from zero to smokin in five shots
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
