Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
