Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
