Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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