turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
So squirting runs in the family.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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