the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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