It was confusing and full of hummus
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
