he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
