i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
