yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
