it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
