We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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