i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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