you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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