I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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