before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I party with great urgency now.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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