dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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