Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
pray to the hookup gods
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You ruined the universe
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
