I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
