what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
