did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
