Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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