you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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