More tranny stories later!
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Send help, water and tortillas.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
