Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
