She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
