My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Randomize
