he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
