Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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