Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
