she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
