i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
