Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
