Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You were trust falling into bushes
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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