we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
