My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
