Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
