he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
