Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
