then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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