You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
