we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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