My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
