i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
