it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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