why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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