Porn is love you can see.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
