ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
