Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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