Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
